Arguements

Now it is such a bizarrely impossible coincidence that anything so mind-bogglingly useful as the Babel Fish could have evolved purely by chance that some thinkers have chosen to see it as a final and clinching proof of the nonexistence of God. The argument goes something like this:

"I refuse to prove that I exist," says God, "for proof denies faith, and without faith I am nothing."
"But," say Man, "the Babel fish is a dead giveaway, isn't it? It could not have evolved by chance. It proves you exist, and so therefore, by your own arguments, you don't. QED."
"Oh dear," says God, "I hadn't though of that" and promptly vanishes in a puff of logic.

~ The Book
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I have always thought of myself as a decent bloke with mild manners, soft demeanor and gentle expressions .. Basically an overall nice guy ...Unfortunately this view is not shared by many around me ... Well the fucking assholes can go stick their heads up a flatulating hippopotamus for all I care ... Neways , my niceness apart , one thing I absolutely can not do is walk away from a fight ... Time after time , I find myself in the middle of some raging argument or the other ... Which was O.K coz I usually came out victorious given my superlative analytical skills backed with solid research and an uncanny ability to interpret and infer as required ... Not to mention my overwhelming sense of modesty .. However of late , my winning streak has all but dried out ... Reason being the emergence of a new contender in the form of Mrs. Prefect ... I know a lot has been written and said about the futility of arguing with women , but like I said - I just cant walk away from a fight ... However , where those before me have failed , I have succeeded ... It took a lot of time ,effort and a sizable part of my limited sanity , but I have done it ... Over the last two months , I documented all my fights (wins & losses) .... With a little analysis, I spotted a trend... and this my friends is what I present to you... Like all great military strategists would tell you, Pick your battles.

Never ever should you get into an argument on the following topics

· Her brother - Totally off limits ... For all you know, he is the most perfect reflection of God on earth. Any attempts to argue otherwise will not be well received
· Her friends - They are nice ... Period
· The house - You just live there ... So try not to interfere ... Any suggestions you might have towards home improvement are best kept to yourself ...
· The A/C - If you feel hot, pour a bucket a water over your head ... As far as comfortable temperatures are concerned 28 is the new 22...
· Public Nudity - No matter how strong a case you have ... You just cant roam around the house topless in your boxers ...
· Curtains - They are big and they are expensive and you need lots of them ...Not even if you promise to always wear a shirt... So just Deal with it
· Her Job - Its tough, its challenging, the boss is a blood sucking leach and there is no solution ... You are supposed to listen sympathetically.... Do Not try to solve problems ...
· The T.V – Every woman has an idiotic brainless show that she loves… In my case it’s a reality dance competition … DO NOT mess with the remote when the show is on … Or bad things will happen to you …
· Feminism – A lot of people including my wife think of me as a MCP… I tend to disagree …. I love women …Some more than others…I think they are great … But I have learnt not to discuss the finer aspects of what I think their roles and responsibilities in society should be … Last time I suggested that the Mumbai police should first launch a campaign against Women driving before Drunken driving , I got into a lot of trouble … If truth be told , I still believe that a woman behind the wheels is a lot dangerous than a guy with a couple of drinks in him … But like I said … I will not argue …


However the following topics are totally fine in case you feel the urge to argue in decreasing order of importance.

· Cricket
· Communism
· Politics
· American Diplomacy and its impact on global power struggle
· Financial Markets
· The SEZ policy
· India - Pakistan
· Your Job

Hope this helps … And if you still get you ass whopped regularly, may be you should just try to shut up …Works for me …