B.A.D

On Earth, the problem had been with cars. The disadvantages involved in pulling lots of black sticky slime from out of the ground where it had been safely hidden out of harm's way, turning it into tar to cover the land with, smoke to fill the air with and pouring the rest into the sea, all seemed to outweigh the advantages of being able to get more quickly from one place to another – particularly when the place you arrived at had probably become, as a result of this, very similar to the place you had left, i.e. covered with tar, full of smoke and short of fish.
~ The Book
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Spew talked me into this one... Turns out 15th of October is Blog Action Day (BAD) ... Its one day when you can get rid of the guilt of raping the planet with your sinful ways by writing a blog about it ... Just what I needed ... Now we all know that global warming will cause the polar ice caps to melt thereby submerging some really expensive real estate ... But then , no one seems to know what can we possibly do to prevent this ... The emphasis being on the word Possible .... We cant give up driving our cars and start walking ... After all God gave us only two legs to work the clutch and accelerator ... We cant turn off the air-conditioning lest we start sweating ... Everybody knows the dangers of sweating and its impact on our expensive linen shirt's collars ... Printers will have to keep firing documentation no body reads, Power plants need to keep churning megawatts upon megawatts to light our streets all night so that we feel safe in our sleep ...Basically we are screwed ...I know by this time , fear has gripped your hearts and you are wondering if Ford Prefect can save your tormented souls ... Well Ford Prefect can and Ford Prefect will ... Using my superlative brain and ingenuity , I have come up with a simple yet brilliant plan to save this planet from certain annihilation ... All I need is sponsors to implement these Ideas ...
1. Lipo-turbines - Back in the old days, whale blubber was a major source of fuel in the arctic region ...Unfortunately, the number of whales is now seriously low and we can’t count on them to fulfill our energy needs.... However , thanks to McDonalds, Pizza hut and Dominos , a lot of us are increasingly turning into land based whale like creatures ... Just look around you and you will notice the biggest source of hydrocarbons ever ... Yes sir ... Its right there in those Mega asses and Thunder thighs ... All one needs to do is stick a needle up these blubber bags and burn the fat in specially designed Lipo-turbines ... And as long as we continue to feed our kids the crap we feed them ,this would be an everlasting renewable source of energy ...

2. Jehadi electricity - The lure of 72 virgins is a bit too strong for some ... In fact, strong enough to strap a few kilos of RDX and turn themselves and those around them into splatter marks ... Now most of us have given up on our fellow jehadi brethren ... Not me ... What you guys see as threat , I see as opportunity ... I suggest we take Osama Bhais disciples , and chase them with large Pork Chops tied to their pious posteriors ... The fear of unislamic haraam meat will cause the gentlemen to try and run away from it only to realize that they are inside giant Hamster wheels ... My calculations indicate approximately 10 hours of useful wheel turning time after which the jehadi and the pork chop can be converted into bio mass ...

3. Bikini Thursdays - The corporate world in responsible for global warming in a big way. They force us to wear ties,Full sleeved shirts and Jackets even in summers thereby significantly increasing Air conditioning needs ... I love the concept of casual Fridays ... in continuation to this , I suggest Bikini Thursdays ... Every Thursday , the ladies can wear Bikinis and gentlemen can come to office in polo shirts and Bermudas ... This would drastically cut the demand for cotton in the world and we can convert those vast cotton fields back to Jungles ... Also post lipo-turbines , we would all be fit enough to flaunt our fat free bodies thereby raising the moral in the offices leading to higher productivity ... Win - Win for all ...

4. Kill all MBA's - Imagine a world without consultants ,Investment bankers, marketers ,managers and analysts ...Where everyone has a real job which involves creating something... Where wealth is made by sweat and brains ...Are you imagining?? Well I am and guess what ... Its not all that bad ... Like I said ... Limited resources , too many demands ... Something’s gotta give ... To be honest , this isn’t my idea ... Stole it from the book ... This is what the good people of Golgafrinchan did –
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Races_and_species_in_The_Hitchhiker's_Guide_to_the_Galaxy#Golgafrinchans
Personally, I think it’s a smashing Idea…
And that ladies and gentlemen is what I propose to save this planet ... I realize these are hard choices to be made ... but at least they are better than giving up our cars and air-conditioning …