History 101

I have always been fascinated by history ... I strongly believe the answers to all our problems can be found if we just look patiently in our past...
Dunno about you, but for me, the most interesting part of history is when man just learnt to walk straight... That was the time he was a hunter- gatherer ... I refer to those times as the Good Old Times ... Imagine... Our man, walking around the pristine Jungles of middle earth, Butt Naked, eating fruits that fell off trees , clubbing small furry cute animals and eating them raw, having wild monkey sex with all the early ladies... Man those were the times ... And after he discovered fire, he prolly invited all his disgusting Early Friends for a barbeque in his cave... I’m sure they all got high on rotten Fruits and berries and belched randomly till they invented the alphabets...
And then something happened ... Our man turned from a hunter-Gatherer to a settler ... He started growing his own grub so that he didn’t have to wander far , started raising cattle and worst of all, he started wearing clothes made of leaves ...Later on the clothes were made from animal skins which would have been so uncomfortable under the hot prehistoric sun ... As time progressed , his clothes started getting weirder ... he started color coordinating his Animal Skin shirts with his wooden shoes , his cave became clean and smelled of funny flowers... He stopped hanging out with his friends when they went out to get high on rotten berries and have wild monkey sex with the early ladies...
Scientists have been baffled as to why early man decided to leave his near perfect life of wanton pleasures to settle down and create the misery of domestic life ... Well I have found the answer ... The poor fellow fell in love and got engaged ...
Think about it ... It all fits in like a jig saw puzzle ... As soon as Mrs. Early Man came into his life , he could no longer eat fruits from the ground without washing them ... This meant he had to invent indoor Plumbing ... He could no longer eat meat without cooking it in a gravy, which meant he had to start farming ... He could no longer wander naked which meant he had to make clothes from animal skins ... Of course when these clothes gave him rashes on his Early Ass , he had to learn to process the skin , leading to modern day chemical and textile industries ... And god forbid if he was ever caught chatting with any of the hot early ladies he used to previously hang out with his drunk buddies ... So he had to invent new ways to entertain himself , thus forcing him to invent fine arts, radio , TV , movies and porn ...
I know what you guys are thinking right now ... Ford is getting psyched coz he has gotten engaged ... Well ... Hell Yeah ... A long time back when I had just gotten engaged, donthaveaclue bet me that sooner or later I would realize the magnitude of my decision and freak out ... At that time, it looked like snatching candy from a kid ... Turns out I had overestimated my "internal coolness"... Now don’t get me wrong ... I am absolutely, madly, hopelessly in love with Mrs. Prefect ... Nothing would please me more than to spend the rest of my life with her ... All I am saying is that the life I am leaving behind was not bad either ... Sure I wish I had done some stuff I didn’t and not done some stuff that I did ... But then that’s the beauty of life ... Sometimes it gives you a chance to start all over again...
BTW , all this early man talk reminds me ... G is throwing me a bachelor party ... right now he is a lil confused regarding the location ... So if any of you have any suggestions , do let me know
PS: In case your idea is selected, please do not assume that you shall be invited ... All rights of admission are held my G and I have no authority in this regard.

Phew... Long post ... all this typing is making me hungry ... May be I should call A and S ... they are always up for a couple of beers and alphabet belching ;-)