Wish List ..

Lately I have noticed a lot of blog posts about things people love... Songs, food, movies, blogs, people ...I missed out on the "love em" band wagon ...and I cant do it now, coz it would seem too lame and copycatish ... but I cant let this one go either coz everyone is doing it ... So in my attempt to be contemporary and original, I decided to post stuff about things I hate ... God I’m smart...
This is my wish list ... I wish all these things didn’t exist

1. Bhindi - I still don’t get how people put that stuff in their mouths ... Its slimy, serrated and its got seeds which crack open and release pungent disgusting taste and smell ... I strongly believe that bhindi should only be eaten indirectly by first feeding it to livestock and then eating those tasty and nutritious animals...

2. Chennai - Spent 10 days in Chennai in June ... To this date , I get nightmares of me running in the hot Chennai sun , chased by autos full of lungi clad big mustached fat guys .... I suspect Ferrari and KS to be in one of the autos... the one driven by the Rajnikant ... With a fucked up transport system, weather which makes Africa seem like a tropical paradise and the rudest people I’ve ever met in my life, Chennai tops my list of places I wish I never have to go ... followed distantly by Guatanamo bay... My heart goes out for Ram who has been recently transferred there …Hang in there buddy …

3. Promotional SMS's - Every time I get a SMS asking me to download latest Chirenjivi songs and win 1Kg of gold, I feel like throwing stuff and smashing some ones head on a wall... I often reply asking them to shove their songs and their Kilogram of gold up their asses ... Unfortunately they are all auto generated messages so no one reads my replies...

4. Power cuts - Growing up in the third world; one gets accustomed to bad infrastructure... I can
live with bad roads and third class airports, but every time the fans stops rotating on its own, I yell more profanity in a single breath than there would be in the entire script of Omkara ... After paying ridicules amount of taxes from my hard earned money, the least those bastards at the electricity board can do is let me sleep in peace without mosquitoes sucking my blood all night long ... Which brings me to the next item on my hate list...

5. Mosquitoes - They say every living organism is Gods own creation and we must love and respect all of them ...Balls I say ... The Mosquito is not Gods own creation, Its the Satan’s ... Small lil black ugly buzz buzz in my ears ... Aaaaaarhgggghhh ... I love catching mosquitoes and then dismembering them alive ... After I pluck out their wings and legs, I just leave them it die...

6. Yappers - Ever met someone who would just talk and talk and talk about stuff you don’t give a rats ass about ... Of course you must have ... The world is full of them ... I don’t mind people talking around me .. It’s only when they expect me to listen to every word they say and sympathize with their problems and rejoice in their happiness that I have a problem.... Luckily , I am a master in the art of faking conversations ... I can listen to someone talk about how cute their dogs puppies are while thinking about what I would have for lunch at the cafeteria ... The trick is not to say Yummy when asked a question... That can get you into some trouble...

7. Commies - I loved the soviet union ... After all they were our trusted allies who came through every time we needed them ... But when it comes to the comrades back home , things are a lil different... As a proud citizen of India, I am aghast that we let these anti Indian, back stabbing, nincompoops run around unchecked...

8. Formula 1 – I swear to God , Ive tried my best to develop affinity towards this sport … Its supposedly very hip and Posh to follow Formula 1… But I never understood the hype behind each race… I was told that there a lot of strategy involved … However I could only find out 2 parameters you can base your strategy on –
a. The type of tires you use
b. Number of Pit stops you make
I don’t get what kinda complex strategy you can think of here … As far as I know , the fastest car wins… That is if you don’t bang it … I once had a rommie who claimed to be a Formula 1 fanatic … The moron didn’t even know how a supercharger worked or for that matter the difference between a two stroke or a 4 stroke engine … I asked him if he knew how many cylinders the F1 cars had , how much BHP they generated …. He just drew a flak … I think he just liked to watch the shiny red colored cars and the pretty girls standing next to them … I let him watch the races on TV, but asked him to turn the volume off coz I cant stand the irritating whizzing noise those engines make …

This list is in no way comprehensive ... I can think of a million other things I hate , but I don’t want you guys to think of me as a bitter grumpy psychopath ... Or am I too late for that already ???