Cheapster !!!

Ford had his own code of ethics. It wasn't much of one, but it was his and he stuck by it, more or less. One rule he made was never to buy his own drinks. He wasn't sure if that counted as an ethic, but you have to go with what you've got.
~ The Book
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Of the many many names Mrs. Prefect calls me , the one that hurts most is "Cheapster" ... God knows I’ve been called a lot of things ... psychotic , snob, arrogant, sleazy, ... in fact at one point in time , Trillian called me a "Lame Boring Bitch"!!!! ... Like I said, lots of bad words have been used in sentences with yours truly as the Subject ... But "Cheapster" is something which I have not been able to swallow the same degree of blithe and callousness...To be completely honest , I like free stuff ... Who doesn’t ??? Frequent flier miles, cash back on my credit card, complimentary breakfasts, happy hours, Season Sales...I love em all ...But nothing beats the satisfaction of the free tipple ... C’mon.. .can you think of anything better than the bartender pouring you a large Grey Goose on the house??? I know the reason they do it coz I waste a substantial part of my salary on their counters.... But I still think it’s very sweet of them...
However, I do not think that the love for free stuff makes me a Cheapster ... It might at times make me stupid though ... Just the day before , I almost bought myself a 2.5 lac Club Mahindra membership coz they were giving me a free 5 weeks overseas trip ...Fucking salesman almost had me believe it was a good idea... Good thing I had a Gujju friend at hand to save me from this momentous folly...
Coming back to the topic at hand, I am determined to show my lovely wife to be that Ford Prefect is No Cheapster... Last time I tried impressing her, I took her out shopping at Mango... Man I regret that to this day...
Then there was the time I decided to order shit loads of flowers for her online ... I had some coupons from last time which I tried using , but in the end managed to bungle up the transaction so badly that all she got was a bunch of roses with a card which read "and these" !!!.. The one before which was supposed to read "I hope you like these" and the one after which should have said "Love - Ford" never reached her!!! Fucking IndiaPlaza.com sucks ass ... Neways, if any of you have any ideas for impressing your chick without spending a fortune, do let me know...
On another note, my good friend HS (who shall be now referred to as Jeltz) got engaged last week... Jeltz and I have been friends for over a year now and in this time I was able to impress upon him my wisdom and deep understanding of "North Indian Kayastha Society"... That and my rich experience in the domains of "Engagement”, "In-laws management”, "Parents Expectation profiling" etc left him with no choice but to appoint me as the principle consultant in his search for a life partner ... And true to my reputation , I was able to get him the best possible deal ...Although given his naivety , I am sure he will continue to need my services for a long long time ...
Congratulations Jeltz ... And here’s the secret to a happily engaged life ...."DONT PANIC"... Actually it’s the secret to everything and isn’t exactly my creation... But WTF ... I am a consultant ... This is what I do for a living... Like the book says ... “He wasn't sure if that counted as an ethic, but you have to go with what you've got.”