Bon Appetite

Time is an Illusion. Lunchtime doubly so.
~ Hitchhikers Guide
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Friday lunches are the best ...Just came back from a 2.5 hour lunch. Now some people might consider this odd. These people might also say that if "one were to laze around a restaurant , one should do it on one's own time and not while one's firm is paying one to demonstrate thought leadership in action and words and more importantly in PPT's." But then again these are exactly the type of people who never get invited to lunch by their team mates coz they talk funny and use a lot of "one" in their sentences... Sad bastards...

Personally I believe lunch is the most important meal of the day. I never could wake up in time for breakfasts so I don’t buy the whole breakfast being most important argument. Lunch is always a welcome break away from the drag of office. You get some fresh air ... and if your boss isn’t around, you might even slip in a couple of beers ... The last place I worked, we used to have cocktail Fridays... A bunch of us would leave office for lunch, have a few Martinis and would be back in time for evening snack at the cafeteria... Things were even better in England... Nothing like a flat pint of room temperature bitter to go with your tasteless deep fried fish and chips on a freezing wet English Friday afternoon... But here in Mumbai, sadly none of my colleagues share my enthusiasm in spiking our lunches with a lil tipple...Not that I mind...as long I get to step out
of the office for a couple of hours, I’m happy ...

It’s not always that one gets this luxury ... Back in ISB, I have had 3 minute lunches before rushing to my room to finish assignments due for the next class... Situations like these were times I used to avoid The chefs special Double Ka meetha ... Man that thing was wicked ... A hyderabadi delicacy any sweet lover would kill for, its basically bread, lots of sugar and lots and lots of Ghee ... A plate full of double ka meetha would render you totally incapable of doing anything for the next 3 hours ... I remember stuffing myself and climbing the last flight of stairs to my quad on all fours ...Trust me that is not a pretty sight to behold... Once me and Ferrari ate so much of it, we gave up on the long walk back home and crashed on the stepped lawns in front of SV1 ... We were asked a lot of disturbing and uncomfortable questions by passerby’s,
But at that point in time, we couldn’t give a hibernating sloth’s ass...

Coming back to Friday lunches, over the years I have picked up a few tricks … and as always , I shall share my gyan with you …

1. Get the right set of lunch mates. Friday lunches are not places where you want to make new friends. Avoid stuck-up, hardworking, deadline oriented folks. The last thing you want is someone to getup in an hour and say he has to get back to work... What you want is laid back people ... People who have resigned, are on bench or are generally lazy are good picks for lunch mates. People on diets, teetotalers, married folk and vegetarians are not. Neither are people who could be your future bosses...

2. Avoid chics... They eat less, talk a lot, bitch about other chics and don’t like it when you ask them if you can unbutton your trousers after you are done eating ... Its always a better Idea to take chics out on Friday evenings where you eat less coz you would still be working on your lunch and would not need to unbutton your trousers ... Until later that is ;-)

3. Go someplace cheap ... You don’t want to blow up a lot of money on lunch ...You need to save some for Friday nights remember ;-)

4. Avoid attention... Don’t make a group and hang around office discussing where you want to go ... Just look at your watch, get up , pick your notepad and leave as if you are headed for a meeting... Your boss can never figure out when the meeting ended and lunch started when you get back in a couple of hours... Look hassled when you leave and hassled when you get back ... Act like you don’t have the time to explain what you have been doing all afternoon ...Avoid burping, yawning and picking your teeth... Look sharp, look serious and you can get away with anything...

5. If you plan to drink, avoid beer ... It makes you burp, yawn and loosen your trousers and as we have already established, those are things you want to avoid ... I personally love a mug of chilled beer in the afternoon, but often go for a fruit juice based vodka cocktail instead ... It doesn’t smell and even after a few, you don’t end up slurring and stammering in meetings and telecons...

6. Avoid appraisal discussions post lunch ... Trust me you don’t want to tell your boss how you feel about him and work in general after you come back from a Friday lunch ... Appraisal discussions are a strict Monday morning affair when you feel horrible anyways... Why ruin your precious weekend...

G says that the only reason we work is so that at the end of the day we could sit peacefully and eat a decent meal ... I say why wait for the day to end ??? Friday Lunches - The key to a happy and fulfilling office life ...