Mumbai... Thanks to bollywood ,this city has always been an enigma to me ... To be completly honest ,I have been a lil scared of this place ... I remember as a child coming here and hiding behind my Mom at the sight of the Human Sea at Churchgate... I so miss my mom right now ... Neways, like always ,I decided to face my demons ...After all as my friend V says "Fear exists in the mind"...(I love these totally obvious and completly useless Bumper sticker lines...) And like always ,I would share my learnings with all those suckers who wish to leave their comfy habitats and come to Mumbai..
They dont want to kiss you ...On my way back from work , I was in a taxi and this guy in a car comes besides me and gives a resounding flying kiss ..I was so shocked and embaressed ,I could have killed the bastard ... My instinctive reaction was to look around and see if anyone noticed ... Luckily no one was laughing at me , but then the guy did it again ... and this time he asked for some directions... My cab driver answered him and then drove off like nothing happened ... Believe or not ladies and gentlemen , this is the way Mumbaities hail fellow mumbaities ... No hi , no hello , no excuse me , they just make obscene smooching sounds at each other !!! I have been asked to master the sound myself as part of my Mumbai Orientation programme , but Id rather walk than stand by the roadside and throw flying kisses at every passing auto...
People change in this city.... Before you arrive theyll mail you , call you and leave comments on your blog .."Ford come to Mumbai" , " Ford we'll have so much fun in Mumbai", "Ford why arnt you in Mumbai yet"
And when you finally come here , they just Vanish...
"I work on Saturdays so I cant see you",
"I need to spend some time with my boyfriend so fuck off" ,
"Its full moon and you have too much cholestrol, so some other time"
"Come to Khopar Khairne ... Its such a lovely place ... We can watch TV and kill some roaches in my apptt"
So keep your expectations in check ...Once you are in the city ,you lose your novelty... No one wants to see your face anymore
Ask for directions at every available oppertunity - Me , G and A decided to checkout an apptt in Vadala... We left Bandra in A's rust bucket and drove till we hit the Arabian sea and couldnt drive any further... The Journey had more incedences and tragedies than Homer's Illiad (and that dude walked all the way to Greece I am told) ... Neways the Moral of that journey was that the interpretation of the word "Seedha" is very different from what it means in the rest of the hindi speaking world ... When they say seedha here , what they mean is that you go straight till you fell you have gone straight enough and then ask for directions again ... The distance that you travel before asking for directions depends on your risk appetite...
Those are just some of the many many things I am learning on an almost daily basis ... I just shudder to think what if G and N hadnt been around to save my ass after all fuckups I get myself into ... Not that they werent doing that when I wasnt in Mumbai :-)
PS: Sorry Trillian for stealing the title .. but it wasnt yours anyways...
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13 comments:
Wadala is with a W and not a V, that might help you to get to your destination 'straight' away.:p
Shipra - Guess I can crib some more ...
EU - It sounds the same with a V or a W ... I was asking for directions to Go there ... not mailing a postcard
You just successfuly managed to miss the point.Once again?!****
Point !!!! I didnt know there even was a point ... Henceforth in order for a point to be recognized as a point , it would need to be clearly marked as one. Any changes in the point would follow strict version controls and after being proved a point shall be refereed to as a fact ... Being the owner of the blog and a TD , I shall have the final authority in all approvals.
Grunthos, I think I should report you to the police on counts of misbehaviour , copyright violation and generally being a pest..
My lil thrills in life...bwahahaha!!
When you don't do anything post 3 pm, how come you don't update your blog???
Anonymous - Exactly .. I dont do anything post 3 PM ... Not even Blog ..
hey hey hey!
its not funny when you badmouth mumbai :p
btw, cognizant has an office on bombay? :o
Dexter - When did I ever Badmouth Mumbai ...Its my favourite city ... but that doesnt take away the fact that its shitty ...
And I switched jobs ...
At some point, I read your blog and liked it and wanted to add a link on my page and I did a "BlogThis!" from the tab on top of your page. And for some reason, it had the "filthy, flawed..." label. Have changed it now.
Great post, this.
Oh, btw... Cognizant?!
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